God, I’m not ok. That’s really not how it’s supposed to be is it?
We are promised so much – if we only have faith, if we only pray, if we only follow Christ’s teachings and his example then we will be blessed. For after all if we are truly god’s people why would he let any harm to come to us?
But you know life is not like that and it’s never been like that – ever. As Jesus said in Matthew 5: 45 “God makes the sun rise on both good and bad people. And sends rain for the ones who do right and for the ones who do wrong”.
Many Christians struggle with this. If God is a loving God, Christ is our Saviour and the Holy Spirit is our guide and encourager then all we have to do is believe and life will work out well. Have faith and God will bless you, even in material goods. Pray and your prayer will be answered. Proclaim the gospel and you will be rewarded.
To many Christians this underpins their faith and their expectation is for a life of blessings and joy and hope and fulfillment. But what if it isn’t?
If your life is not joyful, if your faith does not give you hope, if yesterday is a litany of missed opportunities, today is a day of disappointment and tomorrow stretches out in despair and sorrow and futility then what does that mean? Does it mean you don’t have enough faith? Are your prayers pointless? Is your life just a waste of time?
Indeed in the bible there are many wonderful stories and sayings of hope and encouragement. There is an abundance of inspiration and direction on how to make our lives right with god and how to live a truly faithful and fulfilling life. These are the stories that keep us going, that pick us up when we fall and steady us when we stumble.
But as we see in today’s readings that is not the only picture the bible paints. There is another perspective.
The writer of Ecclesiastes lashes out at the futility of all things:
Nothing makes sense! Everything is nonsense. People come, and people go, but still the world never changes. All of life is far more boring than words could ever say. Everything that happens has happened before; nothing is new, nothing under the sun (Ecclesiastes 1-6).
And most telling “no one who lived in the past is remembered anymore, and everyone yet to be born will be forgotten too” (Ecclesiastes 1:11).
And so too Psalm 42:
Truly I am thirsty for you, my God. In my heart, I am thirsty for you, the living God. When will I see your face? Day and night my tears are my only food, as everyone keeps asking, “Where is your God?” (Psalm 42: 1-3).
Well that’s hardly a pick me up when times are hard.
I am deeply discouraged …. Your vicious waves have swept over me like an angry ocean or a roaring waterfall (Psalm 42:6a & 7).
The bible is not a self-help book with handy tips on how to get our life right with God. It is far more than that. In one fundamental sense it is a profound conversation between God and us and God knows exactly who he is talking to.
God knows that we are not always people of joy, hope, optimism and deep faith. God knows we are human and God knows that in life things go deeply wrong.
Loved ones die before we are ready to say goodbye. A young boy in Gaza goes to where the food drops are happening and is crushed by the food crate dropped from the plane. A young girl on her way to school is killed when her school bus rolls over. Parents watch as their teenage children struggle with cyber bullying, mental illness, eating disorders and other trials. Parents bury their children, grandparents bury grandchildren.
Things go deeply wrong.
But even considering all this, today’s readings are not just words of despair. These passages and others like them show that God truly understands us. These words, these stories sit beside the words of encouragement and hope. They are just as powerful and just as meaningful because they show that God understands us in all aspects of our humanity.
These passages show that feelings of despair, anger, futility, of being deserted and lost are not feelings to be diminished, are not products of our lack of faith – and are certainly not feelings to be ashamed of. Passages like these legitimise the whole human experience. They show that God understands.
Even though as Christians we seek a special relationship with God, we, like the rest of humanity, don’t have a get out of gaol free card. We will suffer life’s adversities as much as, sometimes more than everyone else. If you follow Christ to make life easy, then you may want to think again.
We only need remember that as Jesus prayed in the garden of gethsemane to be spared from the events that would soon overtake him on that first good Friday, we are told in Luke 22:44 that he was in such anguish that his sweat fell like drops of blood.
And then the next day as he hung on the cross Jesus, alone and in despair, cried out “My God. My God why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:45-47). In the garden of gethsemane and on calvary, not even Jesus the son of God got a get out of gaol free card.
When life turns for the worse it’s not because you don’t have enough faith. It’s not because you didn’t pray hard enough. It’s not even that God is punishing you.
And most importantly it’s not that God has deserted us even though we, like Jesus on the cross sometimes feel he has. God is with us always.
When things are going well, we don’t ask where is God? Why when life turns would we think any different? God is not a fair-weather friend.
I leave you with a story. As some of you know our daughter Kelly has battled ill health since her teenage years. One day she was speaking to me about this and me being the typical clueless dad started suggesting things she could do to help. What she said next has stayed with me ever since. “Dad, I don’t want you to fix it. I just want you to listen”.
You know I believe in our times of despair and sorrow that is what god is doing. He may not fix it. He’s not a magician with a wand. He is God and sometimes it is enough for him to be there beside us to just listen.
When the writers of Ecclesiastes and Psalm 42 hurled their anger and despair to the heavens, what happened? Did God punish them, did he belittle them, did he tell them to be more faithful?
We don’t know as the bible remains silent. I suspect that God just listened. And when you are not ok, I suspect he is doing the same for you.