In 1994, during the civil war in Rwanda, Immaculée lost her parents and brothers in terrible violence called ‘Rwandan genocide’. Tragically, the people who killed her family were her own neighbours. She would live with an extreme angry. Her desire for revenge never truly disappeared.
Years later, after peace returned to the country, one of the men responsible for her family’s death was released from prison. He came to see Immaculée, asking for her forgiveness. For Immaculee, old memories and pain rushed back, as if the tragedy were happening right now.
For a few quiet moments, she felt as though every emotion in her heart was about to explode. Then she realized a profound truth: it wasn’t the tragedy itself that had been destroying her all these years, but the bitterness she carried inside. Right at that moment, she decided to let go of her desire for revenge and chose unconditional forgiveness. She walked up to him and said, “What you did was awful, but I refuse to live with hate in my heart. Yes. From the bottom of my heart, I forgive you.”
At that exact moment, true healing began. Not only did the man cry tears of relief, but the heavy burden of sorrow and fear that Immaculée had carried for years was finally lifted. Their relationship was restored, and true peace began to heal the village.
When tragedies or painful events occur, it is only natural to carry the hurt for a long time. Without even realising it, we become trapped in those memories. When that happens, the past comes alive in the present, making us relive nearly the same horrors and heartaches over again.
Psychology calls it ‘Trauma Rumination’ or ‘Intrusive Memories’. Because the mind and body have not fully processed or healed from the shock, the memory stays active, making the past feel like it is happening right now.
It’s like we live in a memory reality instead of the present reality. We walk around breathing today’s air, but our minds are still trapped in yesterday’s smoke, fighting old battles that are already over.
Trauma psychologists often describe this as being psychologically “stuck” in the trauma loop, where the unresolved emotional wound keeps the past alive in the present, stealing today’s peace and happiness.
It is a sad reality, but almost all of us can fall victim to this, unintentionally trapping ourselves in the loop of past trauma and hurts. Perhaps this is how Joseph’s brothers lived for years, haunted by the wrong they had done to their younger brother Joseph so long ago.
Long before Joseph became a powerful leader in Egypt, he was betrayed by his own brothers, his own flesh and blood. His brothers grew jealous, threw him into a pit, and ultimately sold him into slavery.
For years, Joseph carried the memory of that unimaginable hurt and betrayal, just like Immaculée carrying the scars of what her neighbours did to her own family. However, Josheph decided to let go of his desire for revenge and choose unconditional forgiveness.
He said, “My brothers. Don’t be afraid. You plotted evil against me, but God turned it into good, in order to preserve the lives of many people. You have nothing to fear. I will take care of you and your children.”
How did God turn that evil into good? Years later, a severe famine struck the region, forcing Joseph’s brothers to travel to Egypt in search of food. They had no idea that their baby brother was now the governor of Egypt, holding absolute power over their survival.
But instead of seeking revenge, Joseph used his high position to rescue his entire family from starvation, ultimately saving countless lives. What his brothers meant for destruction, God used as a rescue plan for many of His children.
When we finally decide to let go of past trauma or hurts, and choose to live in the present, a profound shift happens in our minds and brains. This healing process is called ‘Neural Rewiring’ or ‘Cognitive Reframing’.
The brain has practiced walking down the same painful neural pathway for years like an instinct. However, when we choose letting go and forgiveness, the brain realises that there are no old enemies to fight any more. Then, we stop walking that old path. It’s not easy and doesn’t happen overnight though.
But over time, the brain builds new, healthy neural pathways of peace and resilience, making the old triggers weaker. Those painful memories never completely disappear; they will always be in our brains. But they lose their power to control our minds.
God gets involved proactively in the healing process. When we confess our wrongs and sins before God, the Bible declares this wonderful truth: “Because of Jesus Christ and His sacrifice for our sins, we are new creations. The old has gone; look, the new has come.”
Many people in the world learn to live in the present by letting go of their past trauma, which is wonderful. I imagine many of us do the same. But as God’s children, our motivation is entirely different. We do it because we believe in a God who washes away our sins and makes us new persons every present reality.
While the world relies on human courage and resilience to heal, we rely on faith. More specifically, we rely on a mature faith, trusting that God is in complete control and that He is good always. When we let go of our past trauma and hurtful memories to practice unconditional forgiveness, God will take those very pieces, turn them into good, and use them to save and bless the lives of many people around us, including us.
That is how our faith in Christ works in our lives. We don’t simply forget our past hurts and trauma; instead, we overcome the past with a new reality—by developing a new character. And we keep practicing it like it’s our work for a living.
Over time, that new identity in Christ grows strong and powerful, and it transforms the way we think and how we live. We don’t just become new people; we continually become newer people in Christ in everything we do. That is how God’s kingdom life gradually replaces our worldly life.
While Joseph’s brothers lived in guilt and fear, Joseph rescued them from that fear and forgave them by letting go of his own past hurts. More than that, he dedicated himself to providing a good and secure life for the children of his brothers.
You see, true forgiveness creates true reconciliation, bringing a better life not just to us, but to everyone around us. That is what happened to Immaculée, the Rwandan woman, and also to her entire village. Her courageous act of forgiveness inspired almost everyone in her village to do the same, rescuing an entire community from the prison of their past.
Friends, when God forgives you, and when you extend that forgiveness to those around you and even to yourselves, you are transformed into a new person in every sense of reality. That new identity inside you will change everything and everyone in your life. May God bless you and everyone in your family. Amen.
