Text: Matthew 5:33-37 Let your word be ‘yes, yes’ or ‘no, no.’

Marcus Aurelius, Roman emperor and Stoic philosopher, said that the soul is died the colour of its leisure thoughts. We know that thoughts can torment or even persecute. They can race like a Porche 911 and become almost impossible to control.  Are we at the mercy of our thoughts or can we do something about them? To think or not to think, that is the question (sorry Shakespeare)

Principle: Thought diffusion is a psychological technique to objectify and displace or distance yourself from distressing thoughts.

How to:

Thought de-fusion is an important psychological technique. Thoughts and emotions are often closely linked. They can be ‘sticky’. TD is a way of separating or to de-fusing the thought from negative emotions. You might feel triggered by a distressing thought which spikes your anxiety or worsens your mood. An individual’s thoughts can be one-sided and lose perspective or become fixated. Or a person can become so preoccupied and not present to what’s happening in his or her life.

Negative thoughts can be emotionally bruising. This can happen when thoughts are taken too seriously.

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Matthew 18:21-35
Romans 14:1-12

Anyone who knows me knows that I am hopeless at maths. You will never find me as a volunteer at the sales point in the food pantry because it needs someone competent with adding up. I do less damage if I help in the Food Pantry Cafe where no money changes hands.

The Scripture for today uses the idea of numbers – numbers added or multiplied, enormous numbers or small numbers, numbers when you are keeping a score. It comes in a chapter that speaks of questions to Jesus about how to deal with conflict, particularly among followers of Jesus. What do we do when we disagree? How do we react when someone really hurts us, or offends us?

At some time or another, I expect that all of us have been hurt by someone. Perhaps a family member, a work colleague or neighbour. Maybe we have been cheated, or threatened, or abused, or insulted. Perhaps we have lived in danger in a war zone, or felt betrayed by a political party or by a partner. Sometimes we disagree with others about important issues, and things have turned nasty between us. Of course, there will be times when we have to admit that we have been the cause of the conflict, hurting others, and we are the ones who need forgiveness. Some of these are very great and troubling problems, and others are less so, but still painful.

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Radical Acceptance

Text: Matthew 6:25-27 Do not worry about your life, what you will lead or what you will drink. This sermon is the first in a number which I will preach on psychological principles and how they might apply to our spiritual growth. In each I will follow the same outline: the principle, how it works, how it is applied in psychological practice and a possible application to spiritual growth. Very practical – hopefully.

Principle:

Too much in life simply happens. We are reminded of our mortality, loved ones die, the bad news of a medical diagnosis, economic conditions change and interest rates go up. We are reminded once again that most things are beyond our control.

How do we respond? Radical acceptance is an emotional decision ‘I will accept this inescapable reality’. Or a line I read in a novel recently “the world never turned out the way you wanted it to. It simply turned. And you hung on.” (Still Life)

Radical acceptance is about accepting what is outside of your control. There is no judgment. This breaks the link of attachment to the pain. For example, grief is felt, fully, but the link to needless suffering is broken. This means watching your thoughts and feelings to identify when you are allowing yourself to feel worse than absolutely necessary.

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Rembrandt did over 40 self-portraits. In 1629, early in his career, the young artist painted himself with plumed beret, cocky, as if he knew he was about to conquer the world with his talent. Decades later, in 1669, Rembrandt approached the end of his life. In one of his last self-portraits, we see the artist with a face battered and etched by the years, a history of losses painfully evident. The rash confidence is long gone, perhaps replaced by wisdom and spiritual insight. The artist portrayed an integrated story of his life.

The self is made up of many stories. I will sketch some for you to think about in terms of your life and what makes your identity.

• The Lazy story this is life lived but not thought about. Maybe others are blamed and the self ‘excused’ but there is little depth or insight.
• The Trauma story is a scar, possibly a story that will ‘not turn off’. Think about the war veteran or survivor of DV who is plagued by nightmares.
• The Avoided story is what we refuse to see and tell. It is frozen, but has a lasting influence as it were ‘murmuring in the background.’
•  The Strong story in which we have faced daunting challenges but overcome and gained confidence in ourselves.
• The Messy story when we can find no explanation for senseless suffering. Perhaps the loss of a child. John and Ruth Harvey, only daughter went as a missionary to Africa, died in her 30’s of a hidden melanoma.
• Subversive story which undermines all other stories, perhaps even the God story.
• The Problem story in which all attention is taken up by a seemingly impossible problem.
• The Loss story is one of enduring grief.
• The Dark story from our shadow side of self.

What stories best capture aspects of your life story? Discuss for five minutes.

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“The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing.”

—Blaise Pascal (1623–1662)

In my last sermon I proposed that our identity is made up of the stories we tell about ourselves. Think of a tapestry which is made up of various threads. So too our narrative self is made up of many stories. When these stories come together in an integrated way, they can form a complete picture. This can be thought of as a deep story and with an element of transcendence a God story.

We can think for a moment about the story of the Jewish people. Their father figure was Abraham, but they became a people through the remarkable escape from slavery, which we call the Exodus, which led to wandering in the wilderness for 40 years and entering the Promised Land. All this was formative of the Jewish identity which is lasted through the 3000+ years since (and countless times of persecution). And all this was fundamental to the identity of Jesus Christ as a Jew and our developing of the Christian God story.

What are some of the potential stories? The first I will call the hidden story.

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